I’ll Buy Me Flowers

With summer about to dock and make room for autumn’s arrival, many of us are easing back into our so-called “normal” daily routines. Students go back to school, colleagues return from vacations, and everyone begins gearing up for the next season. But pause for a moment — what exactly is normal?

Is it taking care of everyone else but yourself? Is it running on fumes and calling it strength? Because the burnout… it’s very real.

Let me ask you something.

When was the last time you actually felt seen?

When was the last time someone you care for actually asked you, “How are you doing?“

Or told you, “I appreciate you.”

If you have to think about it too hard, it is probably because it has not happened in a long while — or maybe never has.

More often than not, we journey through life catering to everyone else’s needs while neglecting our own. Well, it is our nature. It’s almost instinctive — especially as parents, godparents or guardians and predominantly as women (I can only speak for my gender) to do so.

In this era, women work full-time and still manage the home, raise their families and carry responsibilities almost singlehandedly, whether married or not. We climb corporate ladders, take on more roles outside the home, and still want to be present for every first day (of everything), every recital, every PTA or HASA meeting. As women, we drag our tired bodies to events because we don’t want to disappoint the little ones who look up to us.

Then we get to the house and turn it into a home for everyone. And somewhere along the way, we earn the fond but heavy label: “Superwoman.” …

I find the label both endearing and offensive at the same time. Endearing because he who calls us that sees our strength and knows not that we actually need a break. Offensive because, well, we are actually just human and we desperately do need a break.

Being labelled “Superwoman” kind of implies we have it all together — and we really don’t. No one does. We want to be seen. We want help without begging for it. We want appreciation. We want rest.

I have spoken to a few lady friends of mine who think the idea of taking time for themselves to catch a breather is selfish, alien even preposterous – as though it was some kind of a crime! Others agree with me that it’s not just necessary; it’s a MUST. Either way, as mothers or guardians, one thing we need to note is that whether we care for ourselves or not, the people we nurture will someday grow up and move on. And if we are not careful, we’ll realize too late that we never took the time to rejuvenate – and now, we are too exhausted to do so.

I asked a few questions in the beginning. Though rhetorical, I know many share the same sentiments. Our efforts and actions often go unnoticed. We may never be cherished as much as we deserve. Our sacrifices may never be fully appreciated. We may forever just be the invisible heroes in our homes

But I learned a long while ago – like MC sings – to “buy myself flowers”.

No one can cheer you on better than you.

No one can honour your journey better than you.

No one can pour into you the way you can.

So, if you are not getting the flowers you deserve, buy them yourself. Celebrate yourself. Love on yourself like no one can. Choose yourself.

As the great philosopher Aristotle reminds us, “Happiness depends on ourselves.”

And sometimes, happiness looks like a woman walking into a store, picking up a bouquet, and saying, “These are for me.”